This is described as a photo of Charlie Smith, though we're not sure whichfigure in the photo he is, or if it is the gestalt combination of the two in unity.
Charlie Smith was a sad gent. He lived his life, and, unfortunately, continued to live it - the worst tragedy of all, some would say. To live, Charlie thought, was blasphemy; but he could find no way to expedite his demise. Ironically, the obsession to end inspired him to pursue research in the field of manual miscarriage, an option given to pre-natal "victims," as Charlie would like to call them, to eject themselves at any time. He worked tirelessly for the rights of pre-natal citizens to preemptively eject themselves from their organic prison and enter the world to immediately die.
Some would say Charlie Smith was a man before his time, and he was widely rejected for not being born in the right century. (Charlie concurred, he rejected himself for being born.) Although he strongly supported the rights of the unborn, he was doubly rejected and ostracized from the Alliance of Pro-Life, the strongest advocates of young children's lives and rights, on the basis that Mr. Smith sought to kill them. A gross misunderstanding, Smith was later quoted as saying. Similarly, the Coalition of Pro-Choice rejected membership to Charlie Smith for proclaiming pre-natal children should have a choice.
Despite the ostracization of Charlie Smith, he continued his work for the rights of these young and brave noble children living within our nation's mother's wombs. He recognized life as a regrettable realm of existence and fought hard to transcend our future generations straight to the ascent to Heaven. This idea was met with unrepentant controversy. Catholics asserted it was not Charlie's choice, but the children's choice. The Pro-Choicers balked over the Catholic's use of the word choice, and took them to court over misuse of trademark and proliferation of an ulterior agenda. Once Rush Limbaugh was called to the stand as an expert witness, the judge immediately dismissed the case.
But what drove Charlie Smith? Legend says he had a vision from God. This was later disproved on Fox News by the chairman of the Alliance of Citizens Supporting Pro-Life. The news anchor asked the chairman, "how can you establish this man did not in fact receive a message from God?"
To which the chairman replied, "I have Him on my Blackberry, I think he would let me know first. We don't hastily make these decisions, we review them and take them to board meetings and focus groups. Has Mr. Smith presented results from any study groups?" The news anchorman agreed with the chairman and turned it over to a panel expert commentator, a hot blonde from Milwauke, Wisconsin named Amber.
"I would not let my child eject himself, I'm his mother and I know what's best for him. That's the general sentiment felt by all mothers across this great country we live in, America."
To many Americans, these women are hot pornographic-caliber shit."Well said, Amber," the anchorman said. He smiled, and turned to another panel expert commentator, a hot blonde from Milwauke, Wisconsin named Emerald.
"I disagree. What if you are from France? They have their own customs."
"Ha, ha," the anchorman said, "Emerald, our liberal-leaning commentator."
Amber shot back: "If they are in America, they have to abide by American rules. As my father always told me, if you're going to live under my roof, you're going to live by my rules."
Charlie Smith watched this live exchange on national television, disgusted, and turned off the television. He was slumped into his Armour chair, sipping on fine Chardonnay. It was only eleven o'clock in the morning. "Pricks," he said.
"They are all hacks. Why don't they call me on their show, talk to Charlie Smith himself?" he asked. He turned to a block of cheese sitting flatly on an ornate plate of China on a table top next to his velvet-orange Armour chair.
"Charlie, you should know better than that. It is all a show and game. It's all about ratings."
Charlie stared. "You're a block of cheese. You shouldn't be speaking."
"You're right, Charlie. I'll go back to being cheesy."
Charlie stared at his cheese, without a wrinkle of expression sifting, just deadbolted eyes primed on their sight. He sipped on his wine.
"A horse walked into a bar," the cheese said. "The bartender asked, 'why the long face?'"
Charlie was not amused. He would later recall this day as the one day he became serious about his work and message. He would also cite his girlfriend ignoring him for three months as a secondary reason.
